


No Sleep

by RPGwrites



Series: Bad Things Happening Card [4]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Insomnia, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26404756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites
Summary: Sleeping problems have been part of Shepard's life for a long time. One could say she was use to it, if you can get used to it. Her mind never wanted to slow down no matter how exhausted she was. Insomnia was a battle she was losing. But this time she isn't alone.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: Bad Things Happening Card [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1831141
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	No Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the bad things happening prompts. 
> 
> A big shoutout to [ FerusAurelius ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FerusAurelius) for betaing. I appreciate all your help!!

Shepard couldn’t sleep. She rolled around in her bed, restless. One moment on her right side, another on her left. It was as if her body was listening to her restless brain. 

Her brain wouldn’t shut off no matter what she tried. She thought about the last mission, the people they lost, and of course of the countless stuff they needed to do. But that wasn’t all. 

_ If only I could rest when I sleep. _

The problem wasn't just that it took hours upon hours to fall asleep. There were the nightmares, and even if that didn't happen she still knew what was going on around her while she slept. This meant she never got the rest she so desperately needed. 

There was so much death. So much destruction. Kaidan and Mordin were just a few people who haunted her dreams. Even the kid who she couldn’t save was there, reminding her of her failures. 

The truth was that if she wasn’t beyond exhausted she would have avoided sleep altogether.

With a sigh, she stood up from her bed. It seemed like she wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. 

She made her way to the mess and grabbed some coffee. While the kettle was set to be boiled, her mind wandered. 

How many people would they lose before this was over? Would the Crucible even work? 

She was so much lost in thought that the click of the kettle startled her. She poured it and added some sugar and milk.

The plan was to go back to her cabin and get some work done. But instead, her feet took her to the Observation deck. 

A smile graced her lips as she remembered her talks with Samara. She always loved this room on the ship. Shepard sometimes came here to clear her mind if no one occupied the room. 

Ashley was in here tonight—or rather this morning—but now the room was empty. She breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for the peace and quiet the room would offer her. 

Shepard made herself comfortable on the couch, admiring the view. She loved to look at the stars and fall in love with the view. They twinkled brightly in response. A ship passing caught her eye. 

Approaching footsteps made her return to reality. When they stopped she studied the turian’s face. “Garrus,” she said with a smile. 

"Shepard," he said as he took a seat next to her. "You're up."

If he was a human she would've definitely heard that as a sigh. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she clutched her coffee closer to herself. 

“EDI told me you weren’t in your cabin,” he said, as if that was explanation enough. Shepard wondered what he was doing there.

“Why were you looking for me?” If she was honest with herself she already knew the answer. 

“Shepard.” He looked as tired and miserable as she felt. “I’m worried about you.”

She gulped the last few drops of her coffee and placed her mug on the floor. “I’m fine.” They both knew it was a lie. She hadn’t been fine for a long time. 

"You're not fine, Shepard. If you were, you wouldn't drink coffee at oh-three-hundred."

She’d hoped he wouldn’t notice, but that was wishful thinking with a sniper around. She buried her face in her hands. "I'm so tired I can't think, Garrus. Can we not do this right now."

"It's precisely why we need to talk about this Shepard. How are the nightmares?"

She shut her eyes. It was another question she'd much rather avoid. "Don't worry about it."

Garrus' mandibles changed in an even more worrisome expression. "Shepard, you need help. Go see Chakwas."

She laughed as if it was some sort of joke. "I was with dozens of doctors, Garrus! They don't do a damn thing."

"Shepard, you need help," he repeated. “You’re barely coping like this.” It's the only thing he could offer and they both knew it.

"I'll figure it out." And Shepard abruptly left. 

* * *

After she stormed out of the Observation lounge she went to her cabin. She got a few datapads out and began to work. 

But she was too dizzy. The words were swimming in front of her eyes and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't focus. Her eyes felt like they could shut at any time. Yet, she knew she wouldn't be able to go to sleep. 

This was her living nightmare. 

After trying and failing to catch up on her work for two hours she got ready for her shift. 

* * *

The mission went well. But Shepard only felt worse and worse. Words went over her head and nothing made sense. She made more mistakes than she could count. And her team realized. 

"Shepard," Liara said, "We need to talk."

Shepard braced herself for Liara’s inevitable concern about her sleep. Her nightmares. 

When they fought the Collectors Garrus knew about her sleeping problems. He knew it wasn't something that happened recently. It went so much deeper than just the nightmares.

"Shepard, you need help. Have you talked to Doctor Chakwas?"

She narrowed her eyes. Shepard wanted to ask Liara if she’d spoken to Garrus. But then she realized how obvious it must be. 

Shepard was a walking zombie. She lashed out without meaning to. Heck, even Joker had been a victim of that a couple of times. 

She was weaker in battle. Her responses slower. 

How had it gotten so out of hand? She used to be better at hiding her fatigue. 

“I’m fine, Liara.” It was another lie. A lie she told hundreds of times. Over and over again. Maybe if she told it enough people would believe it. Maybe she’d believe it. 

Her friend left it at that. There was nothing anyone could do if Shepard didn’t accept the help. 

Shepard wanted help. She wanted her mind to shut down at night. Not racing thoughts about what to do next. It wasn’t the war. 

It’d been like this for a very long time.

_ I’m so tired.  _

But that night Garrus made his way to her cabin. 

“Shepard,” he said, “We need to talk.”

It had been a day since their last conversation. One day! Why did he need to bring it up right now? She sighed, her irritability clear as day. “What is it, Garrus?”

His mandibles shifted as if her tone hit a nerve. “The crew is worried.”

That’s when Shepard knew it’d been going on far enough. It needed to be put to a stop. It wasn’t that she thought it influenced her work. She had proof it had. 

“I can’t go to doctors again, Garrus,” she admitted. The words were spoken softly as if admitting her biggest secret. 

His answer was wrapping his arms around her, “We’ll do this together. One step at a time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


End file.
